Living With Intentionality

Many things in life will happen regardless of whether you put effort into them. The world will change around you if you are not careful, and you will be left with an outcome you might not have consciously chosen. These “default outcomes” are the bane of a low-agency life. Inattention to these choices leads to mediocrity, which I define as a condition of life characterized by an unexamined acceptance of default outcomes. But you have the power to choose differently, and you often should, and I want to help you do so.

Default Outcomes #

A default outcome is the outcome that will happen if you do not put in any effort to cause a different one. Sometimes, this is a deceptive pattern that is out to get you. Sometimes, it’s a paternalistic nudge that wants you to do the right thing.

It’s crucial to understand that achieving no outcome is impossible. If you choose not to decide, you have still made a choice. Someone or something (perhaps just the inevitable arrow of time) will decide for you.

Mediocrity #

If you frequently accept default outcomes, you will live a mediocre life. This statement is not a value judgement about the quality of such a life; it is a definitional statement of fact: the default outcome will nearly always be the most common one, and the common state of the world is mediocrity.

Sometimes, choosing the default outcome is the right thing to do. Careful consideration has a cost. Some decisions are not important enough to be worth paying that cost. Furthermore, some decisions must be made under time pressure. Going with the default outcome for such decisions can save you from a foolish mistake.

Oftentimes, the default outcome will be bad for you! This happens for three reasons:

1. The default outcome was designed by a person or institution such that it benefits them at your expense.
2. The default outcome was designed to benefit the average person, but your tastes are not average.
3. The default outcome is a byproduct of the universe’s tendency toward increasing entropy, but you prefer order and structure.

As a result of the above, mediocrity is often painful. It can be unpleasant, disempowering, or just plain boring. You probably want to avoid it.

The Alternative #

You can avoid mediocrity by living with intentionality. Living with intentionality means making an active effort to determine which outcome is best for you, rather than just going with the default. For clarification, here are a few things that aren’t necessary parts of living with intentionality:

1. You don’t have to stand by your initial choice: sometimes you don’t know what you want, or you get it wrong, or you change your mind.
2. You don’t have to deviate from the default every time: sometimes the default outcome is what you wanted anyway.
3. You don’t have to achieve the outcome you select: even after determining a desirable outcome, it’s not always possible to effect it.

Living with intentionality means you’ve decided on your direction. Even if that direction is wrongheaded or foolish or fraught with challenges, I commend you for setting out with purpose.

How to Live With Intentionality #

There are countless moments when you could practice living with intentionality, but not all situations are worth it. Intentionality can be disproportionately valuable in a small handful of critical domains. We might disagree on which domains those are, depending on how our values differ, but there are a few situations where intentionality is near-universally useful.

Here are some situations where life presents an undesirable default outcome, and I think it’s worth it for you to choose differently.

Communicating About Conflict #

The default outcome when you have a disagreement or issue with someone is to communicate the situation poorly. Even if you don’t talk about it directly, you will still communicate that something is wrong. Maybe you will let a passive-aggressive remark slip out, or act in a way that shows your distrust or resentment. Maybe the situation eventually blows up and turns into a shouting match.

If nothing else, your body language will give you away. No one can indefinitely sustain a poker face.

Conflict is unavoidable, but being proactive and intentional in your communication has an outsize effect on how quickly conflicts are resolved. Practicing clear, honest, and intentional communication will help you quickly recover from conflict, avoid mounting resentment, and build your reputation as a compassionate and trustworthy person.

Paying for Big Expenses #

The default outcome when you have a large, unexpected expense is to pay through costly means. If you haven’t made an effort to build financial resilience, you will be forced to use expensive forms of credit or go without.

“Going without” in this context is often incredibly damaging. Foreclosure and eviction are clean examples of situations where it is dangerous to go without. You can avoid these failure modes by creating a plan to deal with them. This process requires putting effort into your personal finances, but it lets you avoid the damage of facing catastrophe without a backup plan.

Shipping Software #

The default outcome when writing software is not shipping anything, because shipping is hard. The default outcome for a project is “to be delayed indefinitely, cancelled, or to go out half-baked and burst into flames” unless a specific person makes an intentional effort to ship it.¹

A lot of software projects make the world a better place, so making the effort to ship a project is often worth it. You must not allow the default outcome; you must make shipping your top priority. This is the only way to ensure that a project gets shipped.

Signing a Prenup #

The default outcome when getting married is to sign a prenuptial agreement (aka “prenup”) dictated by the state where you get married. The law might not call it a prenup, but that’s what it is: every state has a default set of laws that govern the divorce process. If you don’t work out the details in advance with your partner, the state will decide for you.

Prenups can be uncomfortable to talk about. But for many people, marriage will be one of the most important contracts they ever sign. It’s worth thinking through the details of that contract and what might happen if you and your partner decide to separate. Then, you can codify your choice with a bespoke prenup (rather than a state-dictated prenup), ensuring the details of separation are determined when you’re both in good spirits and on speaking terms.

You Can Do It Differently #

Default outcomes are present all around you. They are ubiquitous. Fortunately, as the saying goes, “you can just do things.” When you’re presented with an important decision, I encourage you to pause and think critically about what to do. Make a list of candidate moves and consider which is best. You don’t have to accept the default outcome.